Christmas Present
It's that time of the year again. December has come and with it all the joys of Christmas. But what is the real meaning of Christmas? Is it the gifts under the tree, the lights in the windows, the cards on the wall, sumptuous dinners with family and friends and shouts of 'Merry Christmas' to one another? Is this really Christmas?
For some people, Christmas is all of the above but for others it’s a time of sorrow. Christmas reminds them of unhappy events – events that they choose to relive every Christmas. I used to belong to the latter group. It was during this festive season some years back that my life came apart.
I used to work very hard for my future but I did it at the expense of my health and marriage. It was after much soul searching that it dawned on me that I had failed to treasure what I had then. I was more interested in pursuing a better tomorrow. I took things for granted and neglected my loved ones and paid heavily for it. Since then I've moved on and is now a strong believer and advocator of living in the present. This belief not only makes me more aware of what is happening around me and what I am doing but also what I am feeling and thinking. I learn to appreciate what I have and to cherish everyone close to me. Living in the present has made me a happier and more contented person than I used to be.
What happens then when we continue to live in the past? Well, if your past experiences were pleasant and positive, that is how you are going to think about your future. If the experiences were unpleasant and negative, that is how you are going to visualise your future. It is always the past that is recreating our future.
You will probably think about what someone told you, how someone treated you, how you did this or that. It is always about the past. You are allowing the past to control you and to influence your behaviour. Reliving the past is recreating it constantly. You are not letting change enter your life. It is all right to recreate the past if it was pleasant, but why repeat it in your mind if it was unpleasant?
We are usually unaware of the process of thinking that is going on in our heads. We repeat the same thoughts out of habit. They come and we do not resist them. We welcome them even if they are unpleasant. We get used to our thoughts and habits, even if we do not admit it. In this way they become stronger and more powerful. As our minds recreate our past, we find that the present is always the mirror of the past. Then nothing new happens and we complain that life is always the same and that nothing changes. Weird, foolish, tragic and funny at the same time, isn't it?
Do you know how many opportunities are missed due to our dwelling on the past, instead of seeing and being conscious of what is happening at the present moment? When our mind is elsewhere we behave like robots and we repeat the same mistakes of the past, do the same things, and then complain that our life is dull and uninteresting.
Thus, for those who are still loitering in the past, it’s time to move forward to the present and to appreciate and cherish what you have before you lose them.
Remember, the present moment is very brief. It always turns immediately into the past. The future has not happened. Live in the present, enjoy your present and give yourself a great Christmas present!
02:34
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Take A Chance
Once, there was a king who received a gift of two magnificent falcons from Arabia. They were peregrine falcons, the most beautiful birds he had ever seen. He gave the precious birds to his head falconer to be trained.
Months passed and one day, the head falconer informed the king that though one of the falcons was flying majestically soaring high in the sky, the other bird had not moved from its branch since the day it had arrived.
The king summoned healers and sorcerers from all the land to tend to the falcon but no one could make the bird fly. He presented the task to the members of his court but the next day, the king saw through the palace window that the bird had still not moved from its perch. Having tried everything else, the king thought to himself, “Maybe I need someone more familiar with the countryside to understand the nature of this problem.” So he ordered his guards to get a farmer into the palace.
In the morning, the king was thrilled to see the falcon soaring high above the palace garden. He said to his guards, “Bring me the doer of this miracle.”
The guards quickly got hold of the farmer, who came and stood before the king. The king asked him, “How did you make the falcon fly?”
With his head bowed, the farmer replied, “It was easy, your highness. I simply sawed off the branch.”
We are all born to fly – to realise our incredible potential as human beings. But instead of doing this, we sit on our branches, clinging to the things that are familiar to us. The possibilities are endless but for most of us, they remain undiscovered. We conform to the familiar, the comfortable, the mundane. So for the most part, our lives are mediocre, uninteresting and frustrating instead of exciting, thrilling and fulfilling.
Some of us fear the unknown and didn’t to venture out of our comfort zone to take risk. But it is this fear that is preventing us from taking control of our lives and shaping them to suit us. It is this fear that is making us average, making us doing all the same things everybody else is doing. It is this fear that is stopping us from leaving our perch to fly high into the sky. Staying within our comfort zone prevents us from pursuing our dreams, having a better relationship or living the life we want. Although we would feel comfortable and confident in our warm and cosy nest, where is the excitement? Do we really want to limit ourselves like that? Do we really want to live such unchallenging life?
Those who have no fear of the unknown and who have decided logically what they want to do and do it, reaped rewards that they would not have if they had clung onto their security blanket. They achieved what they thought were impossible and with each success, they went on to achieve even greater success.
Spread your wings and soar into the sky in pursuit of the rewarding life that is awaiting you. Take a chance.
17:11
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The Power of Words
Gossip exists everywhere that people live. The words spread through gossip often have the power to hurt not only the person who is the object of the gossip but also the listener who believes the gossip.
I remembered during my initial stage of my teaching career, I was posted to a neighbourhood school and seated opposite me was a teacher who seemed nice, likeable and fun to be with. As I got to know more of the other colleagues, I heard some negative gossip about him. It would have been very easy for me to dismiss him at that point and not to take the time to get to know him as a potential friend. However, my gut feeling told me otherwise as he didn’t seem like what I had heard. I decided to find out the truth for myself. As I got to know him, I discovered that he was more in line with my positive first impressions than with the negative rumours that I had heard. Later, when I met others who knew him better than the ones who had spread the rumours, very different things were said about him. I was glad that I had taken the time to get to know him rather than avoiding him based upon the gossip that I had initially heard.
If we succumb to believing all the gossip we hear, we could miss many important opportunities. Hearing negative gossip, we might fail to get to know someone new, give them a chance, form our own opinions and gain a new friend.
Not believing all the gossip we hear is one thing. Not spreading the gossip we hear is another. Refraining from gossip can be difficult as it is a natural part of human communication. I admit, myself, that while I try very hard to refrain from gossip – or at least attempt to say or repeat only positive things about people rather than ‘spread more poison’ – there are times when I catch myself slipping up. Sometimes, we just do it naturally and unwittingly. Many times, we believe that we are simply communicating ‘a truth’ when in fact we could be repeating an unsubstantiated rumour. Often, we don't mean to be hurtful and we may not even realise that we are saying something negative. But the poison is spread, the damage is done and someone can end up feeling hurt.
The ability to use words is the most powerful tool we have as a human being. But like a sword with two edges, our words can cut both ways. One edge is the impeccability of words which creates heaven on earth. The other edge is the misuse of words which creates a living hell. Our words can create the most beautiful dream or turn everything around us into a nightmare. Our words can heal a broken heart or break a healing heart. Thus, let’s all watch what come out of our mouths and learn to stop hurting one another and start creating more beauty and love with our words.
23:55
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Take Action Today
Did you ever wait for the “right” circumstances to introduce yourself at a party until the party ended? Did you ever wait for the “right” circumstances to take a long vacation only to find that you couldn’t do it anymore? How many of us wait for the “right” circumstances before we take action? We wait for things to happen, for time to solve our problems, for miracles to happen. We may have to wait forever. Sure, things may change but not necessarily in the direction we want.
Often, while we’re waiting, we blow our main chance, which is to take action. Sometimes, waiting for the “right” circumstances is an excuse for not doing anything.
Have you seen the Great Wall of China ? How was it built? Stone by stone, over many years. Many accomplishments are nothing but an accumulation of small actions taken every day. That’s the same for our life. Life is cumulative. It’s an accumulation of all the small things we have done or haven’t done, all the decisions we’ve made or haven’t made.
What we have now is mainly the result of what we have done in the past. The more time we have spent growing, showing appreciation, developing a positive attitude, the more we now get from life. The more we learn, the better we understand our world. Our savings or debts today are the results of what we sowed. If we plant the seeds of conflicts and confrontations, we harvest hurt. If we build friendships, we enjoy the companions. If we build our confidence through action, we become more capable. If we haven’t overcome our shyness or self-consciousness, it will remain a drag to us. If we haven’t learnt to be considerate, we will remain a pain to others.
We get from life what we put into it. If we remain passive and put in nothing, chances are we won’t get much. If we show appreciation and a positive attitude, chances are we will have many enjoyable relationships. If we have faith in our abilities and don’t give up, chances are we will develop our abilities. If we explore, we’ll know more about what’s available. If we do whatever it takes to get what we want, chances are we will get it.
What we do today determines what we will have in the future. If we want things to improve, we have to start with ourselves. We need to stretch out of our comfortable habits and do something new.
There is a popular saying which says, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.” If we change what we do, we may get something different. If we can change ourselves in the right direction, we may get what we want. The accumulations of the little things we do every day can be powerful. With enough small steps, we can reach the summit of Mt. Everest. We don’t need to be Superman but we need to keep moving in the same direction. Knowledge, enthusiasm, action and persistence are what we need to get us to where we want.
00:44
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Too Serious About Life
Why take ourselves so seriously? Why give ourselves a hard time? We tend to take things personally. We’re difficult to please. We build expectations from ideals that nobody can live up to. Some of us try to shoot at targets that aren’t on this planet. How can we be happy with the results? We want perfection. We focus on what we don’t have, on what we can’t do, on what doesn’t work. We think life is a constant struggle. We’re right! Life is a constant struggle for us. We overlook the fact that we make our lives difficult by our attitudes.
Who wants to be an adult if it means giving up enjoying life?
Have you ever noticed that when old people talk about their lives, many of them talk enthusiastically about their youth? They were so happy then. They wished they could stay young forever. Memories of adulthood are often less enthusiastic. They didn’t enjoy adult life as much. Why not? Can’t we enjoy adulthood as much as childhood?
Many of us knew how to laugh and enjoy life when we were young. Why not now? Do we need to be that serious? Can’t we laugh more? Can’t we laugh at ourselves? Can’t we tolerate mistakes? Can’t we be curious? Can’t we express emotions? Can’t we try something new and express our amazement? Can’t we worry less about the future? Can’t we forget the unpleasant past? Can’t we enjoy the present moment for all it has to offer? Can’t we justify ourselves less and do more? Can’t we do things without worrying about looking ridiculous? Can’t we do what we feel like doing, without the need for a logical reason? Can’t we use our initiative? Can’t we use our intuition? Can’t we accept others as they are? Can’t we feel good without a reason? Can’t we enjoy what we’re doing for its own sake, rather than for the end result?
I’m not saying that we should behave like wild kids, playing with fire to see if we get burnt. We have enough commonsense not to do that. I’m saying that some of these restrictions may bring more harm than benefits. Have you ever noticed that in formal situations, some of us feel so uncomfortable that we don’t do anything? So much energy is devoted to doing things the proper way that there is little energy left to enjoy the day. Isn’t it unfortunate that such things happen at weddings or ceremonies? Maybe looking serious isn’t so essential for our well-being. Maybe we can remove some of these constraints and it would make it easier for us to enjoy life.
Life will never get easier. Problems will always exist. So just take life easy and enjoy it as it comes. Don't be too hard on yourself.
19:38
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 8
Amos decided to tell Jaycee the truth of his financial situation as he needed her to loan him the five hundred dollars that he needed to repay his pal. He knew she had that kind of money as he had been sharing his winnings with her and she had promised to put the money aside for their future. After the initial shock, Jaycee agreed to withdraw the cash to settle his debt. She reasoned that they could always save up again when they had the spare cash. She even offered to help him to settle his remaining debts. Amos was glad that Jaycee was such an understanding girlfriend and promised not to place another bet again.
As Amos handed the cash to his friend, he heaved a sigh of relief. He had even made arrangement to repay the rest of his creditors by instalments. Life was back to what it was before the lavish lifestyle and he wasn’t the spendthrift he used to be. He started giving tuition to earn more cash while Jaycee got a part time job working as banquet waitress. As each of them busied themselves with earning more money, they spent less time together. But they understood that it was the price they had to pay for the squander that they had indulged in previously. They were determined to settle the outstanding debts asap so that they could start afresh and plan for their future.
Soon after Amos graduated from poly, he was enlisted for National Service and they saw even less of each other. While he was charging up the hill, Jaycee continued to struggle between two jobs to help to settle his dwindling debts. When the last instalment was finally paid, Jaycee felt so elated and relieved that she decided to celebrate the liberation with her friends – something that she had not done for a long while. Her friends suggested going for Ladies’ Night at the latest club along Boat Quay.
It was the first time that Jaycee had been to a nightclub. Everything was new to her and it was indeed an eye-opening experience. After much persuasion and hesitation, Jaycee took her first sip of alcoholic drink – whiskey with green tea. Then as the night progressed, she experimented with the various concoctions that her friends had prepared for her. Though a virgin drinker, Jaycee was able to hold her liquor pretty well. Just as her friends were cheering her on to down more drinks, Jaycee received a call from Amos. Sensing that Amos was upset when she told him where she was, Jaycee decided to call it a night. As her friends weren’t ready to leave, she left the club on her own. As soon as she stepped out of the premises, she was overwhelmed by a spinning sensation. Staggering along an unfamiliar lane under the dim light, she was seen treading along the river bank. Suddenly there was a loud splash, followed by shouts of someone falling into the water.
Amos was all ready to book out for the weekend and he decided to call Jaycee to make plans for the day. He was surprised to hear Jaycee’s mum on the other end and he almost dropped his cell when he heard that Jaycee had been hospitalised. He rushed down to the hospital and couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw his dear Jaycee lying in a state of coma.
Jaycee, who had fallen into the river on that fateful night, had been rescued by a passer-by. But she had hit her head against the concrete step and hadn’t regained her unconsciousness since.
Amos couldn’t help blaming himself for being so petty that night when he called her. He should have allowed her to continue to party with her friends rather than hinting her to head home.
“You must be exhausted from working two jobs. Have a good sleep but please wake up when you’ve rested enough. I’ll be waiting.”
23:35
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I’ll Be Waiting – Part 7
Jaycee was speechless. She knew that Amos wasn’t from a well-to-do family and it wouldn’t be easy for him to get that kind of money to buy her the branded wallet. Though Amos claimed that he had used his savings, she wasn’t completely convinced. Nevertheless, she accepted the gift but not before she made him promise not to squander his savings buying her expensive gift again.
Amos had actually made a large gamble to get the cash needed to buy the wallet. He was glad that everything had turned out as planned. Unknown to Jaycee, he was a seasoned gambler. He had been involved in football betting since he was introduced to it by his friends when he turned 18. He had started out small and had been quite successful in winning extra pocket money. However, the more often he won the more confident he became and he began placing bigger bets. The bet he placed with part of his tuition fee had been his largest thus far. He was again able to predict the results accurately. Lucky? Perhaps, but for how long?
Though he had promised Jaycee not to be a spendthrift, he still couldn’t stop himself from showering her with branded stuff whenever he made a winning. Initially, Jaycee would express her disapproval but when she sensed Amos’ sincerity, she decided not to be a spoilsport. Not wanting Jaycee to feel bad about accepting his gifts, he decided to tell her the truth about his 'source of income'. Jaycee found it hard to believe him, dismissing it as a lame joke but when he showed her the bet tickets, she was dumbfounded. It had never occurred to her that her dear Amos could be a gambler and a damned good one too. Soon, they were living life on the ‘high side’, dining at posh restaurants and shopping at high-end retail stores.
All these while, Amos was financing the high expenses by placing bigger bets and when luck wasn’t on his side, he resorted to borrowing from his friends. As time passed, he found it difficult to keep up with the high living and not wanting Jaycee to be worried, he kept his financial woes from her. Soon he was desperate. It seemed that the more he tried to recoup his losses, the more he lost and the deeper he fell into the debt trap. Eventually, Amos didn’t even have the spare cash to place any more bets. No bet meant no chance of winning, no winnings meant unsettled debts. Just as he was spiralling into a state of despair, a pal who knew of his predicament offered to introduce someone who would loan him cash at 'reasonable' rate. Amos knew that he was referring to an illegal lender and understood the dire consequences of getting a loan from one. He had seen how his neighbour being harassed by loan sharks. He couldn't imagine himself ending up likewise and decided against turning to one.
A friend, whom Amos had got a loan from earlier, came looking for him one morning at his campus. He needed him to repay the loan as he had an urgent need for it. Amos was caught off guard. Though it wasn’t a big sum and Amos had promised to repay him asap, he was definitely not able to raise the money then. However, his friend said that he needed the money for a family emergency. Amos was apologetic and promised to return the money in a couple of days. Having given his word, Amos had to think of a way to raise the money quickly and the only person he knew who had the kind of money to lend him was ……..........
23:34
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